Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
