the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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