you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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