Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
