you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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