Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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