so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
