I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
