Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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