put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
