You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
