Too much gin, very little bucket
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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