well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
