Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
