Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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