i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
