I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
