Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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