He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
