My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
