So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
