There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
