my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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