Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
