Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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