i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
