Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
tell me about the eggs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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