..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
