i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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