I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
