I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
