He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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