i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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