if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize