You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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