Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
