mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I want is dick and wine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
