that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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