I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
