so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize