Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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