There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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