just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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