she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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