yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
