Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
