morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
