I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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