your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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