So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
COCAINE IS GR8
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