Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
