please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
