I molested 6 butterflies tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
