people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
