It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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