Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
