she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want her autograph on my taint
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
