I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
