she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
