Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
