I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
