I have demons in me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
