My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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