Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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