allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
