My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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