He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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