I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
