I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
