I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
