He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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