I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
