Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
