everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't put those talents on a resume
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize