The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
