So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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