Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
