you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
