Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Im part way to drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
