Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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