Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
