STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize