come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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