Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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