You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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