Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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