i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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