kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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