Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
